My Kids Grow and So Do I


Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The Art of Grocery Shopping With Kids

If you're like most parents you prefer to do your weekly shopping alone, as in: without kids. It's easier and faster and sidesteps potential irritations, such as: Don't touch - Stay close - Don't yell.
     But then again, sometimes we don't have the luxury of going solo and we find ourselves navigating the isles with one or more kids in tow.

     Here's how you can make that experience a positive one, so much so that in the future you may decide to bring your kids along just for the fun of it. When you bring positive energy to the experience and share that with your kids, all participants will benefit.

The Art Explained

     Just as there is a recipe for cooking spaghetti and meatballs, there is a method to this miracle of shopping with kids. First and foremost: remember the three key features that make up an inspiring environment: relationship, autonomy, skill, and put them to use. Effective teachers use this triad daily in education and is it just as helpful in family settings. These three features influence and affect each other positively when consciously engaged, as you shall see.

Change your frame of reference from 'shopping' to 'family quality time'. Throughout your expidition your focus is first and foremost on your kids' well-being. Talk with your children, listen to what they have to say and respond adequately and appropriately all through the time you are together. You are 'allies' in this trip; you are on the same side: their side.

     Approach and view everything from a child's perspective as much as you can. That way you are on the same wave-length and in a much better position to anticipate a possible mishap and deal with it adequately.

     Make sure you have plenty of time and are not in a hurry. Calculate about double or triple the time you would need when shopping alone.

Ask your child or children to help you and allot age appropriate little jobs to them. There are tasks they can fulfill, such as pushing the cart (or a kid's cart), selecting products and putting them in the cart, putting items on the check-out counter, etc. Involve them in the various processes of shopping, allowing them as much autonomy and responsibility as possible. Allow choices whenever possible and walk/talk those choices through together (this ties in with relationship).

Kids love to become 'good' at something, even if it is pushing a cart straight along the floortiles in the cereals isle. Notice and compliment your kids on every little contribution, reinforcing their positive involvement in the shopping expidition (this ties in with relationship and autonomy).

     In addition to mastering shopping skills kids will want to 'do' much more. If you direct their creativity, rather than wait for them to explore in ways that are not supermarket-friendly, you can make the shopping experience a fun time for all. Consider the following two activities to get your creativity flowing:

  • Feel the wonder of a long empty isle with a shiny floor and create a game to go with it, such as counting steps to go from left to right, skipping squares, letting the cart roll as gently and smoothly as possible, etc.
  • Feel the wonder of a stack of plastic bags ready to be used for produce. Take one and inflate it to create a balloon, tying it securely at the top with one or two tight knots. Invent games to go with this, such as keeping it afloat with only two index fingers, heading it as high as you can, etc.

Positive Energy Field

Next time you're scheduling a trip to the store, consider lifting the experience from a chore to 'together-time' with your kids. This is a chance for you to get to know them better and for them to get to know you better: a person who is able to transmogrify an ordinary trip to the store into a rich experience in which you seize the opportunity to invest in your relationship.

     To be even more specific: this approach allows you to augment the quality of the energy field that exists in and around you and in which your kids participate, for the benefit of all - not least of all: you yourself. Eventually, your role-modelling will have inspired your children in turn. They will have learned how to enhance the quality of their own energy field and enlist it in order to create more mutually satisfying and inspiring relationships.

(This is an example, by the way, of reframing or recontextualizing a situation, something that last week's post discussed as well.)

     If you'd like to share about how you view the process of enhancing your own energy for the benefit of both your kids and yourself while going about your daily business, let us know and use the comment box. If you have any questions, that's the place to ask them. Thanks!

Image (adapted for this article) courtesy of

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Annoying Behavior

What Options Do You Have?

Don't you just hate it when kids in your presence exhibit behavior that you just can't stomach? When it concerns your own kids or kids in your care - in other words, when they move within the circle of your own influence - then you may have options to address the annoying behavior. But what do you do when the behavior takes place outside of your circle of influence or when the behavior is just annoying to you personally? In other words, what options are left when there is clearly nothing else for you to do than to swallow and accept it?

Loud Play and Loud Mopeds

This exact thing happened to me recently, and repeatedly I might add. The first instance was children playing and yelling, creating a ruckus in the yard next door, after they had come home from day care. This happened right at the moment that I was retreating to my back porch after a long day at work. The other instance was young teens enjoying the new tarmac on the road by going up and down the street on their mopeds and motorbikes, causing vrooming sounds to rise at odd hours in the neighborhood where I happened to be staying temporarily.

     Both occasions called forth feelings of annoyance. At the same time it was clear to me that there was not much that I could do, or wanted to do, about them: I support kids playing outdoors, especially in their own backyard, and I understand that kids need to be able to express joy and frustration as part of that play. As to the revving of engines, I know young teens love showing off and need to feel that the world is theirs to discover - it's part of growing up. In both cases then, as a neighbor and as a visitor, there was not much I could do to change the situation.


Now comes the interesting part: given that these sources of personal annoyance were directly under my nose and given the fact that I had decided not to interfere one way or the other, what options did I have left to work with? This is where reframing comes in.

     Reframing means putting something into a different context in order to give it a new meaning. The new meaning that results from the reframing causes a different response and a different emotion associated with it. How do you go about reframing? Reframing happens when you insert gratitude into the equation.

     In the case of the rambunctious neighbor children I told myself the following:
I am grateful for new life on this earth and in this town 
I am grateful to life for renewing life
I love living where I live
I am grateful to my neighbors for living next to me
I am grateful to my neighbor children for being sparks of the divine
I love it when kids are lively and full of energy
I am grateful for knowing that all is one
I am grateful for knowing that liveliness and energy are part of me
I love observing and experiencing new life and liveliness around me
I am grateful for the opportunity to experience liveliness in new ways (ha!  isn't that a good one!)
I love opening up to new ways to experience creation happening around me
I embrace life as it expresses all around me

Things Change Through Gratitude

     Next thing I knew, three things seemed to happen all at once:

  • the kids next door dimmed their voices considerably on occasion if not much of the time
  • the kids chose times to play outside when I was not there
  • the kids' loud play no longer annoyed or even bothered me

     This may look like three separate things; my guess though is that they are really all one and the same thing: namely, they manifest the fact that, through the expression of gratitude, I was able to accept and embrace a facet of life that I had been excluding before.

     And what about the revving mopeds in the neighborhood? This situation was no doubt a revisiting of the first situation, egging me on to accept and embrace aspects of life I was refusing to allow in. Once accepted and embraced, using the tool of genuine gratitude, the need for appearances to jar my status quo was no longer there and the annoyances melted away.

     Have you noticed how gratitude can shift your perception of the world? I'd love to hear from you. Please share by leaving a comment.

Gratitude and reframing (recontextualization) are mentioned in Neale D. Walsch's book 
The Only Thing That Matters as some of the tools that help you deal with negative thinking. 
Highly recommended!